My friend wrote this some time ago. When I saw the title I was livid! Us girls, regardless of whether we are someone’s sister, mother, girlfriend or friend; do NOT need taming! Some say animals need taming! I guess some humans do too BUT to refer to girlfriends and only girlfriends in this way! No way!
I took a step back and thought about him! He wouldn’t say something like that and mean it so it must have been a title he created to catch the reader’s eye!
Believe it or not I was smiling after reading it. So here you go. Have a read. 🙂
Girlfriends are fun to be around and can also take over your life. It may feel to you that this lioness is trying to change you, control you, and always needs to have the last word.
Here’s how to tame your girlfriend so that you’re never again railroaded by what she does…Step 1: Welcome the situation that you’re both immersed in.
Step 2: Listen with all your heart to what she is expressing and to your initial inner response.
Step 3: Tame your RESPONSE to what your girlfriend does.The moment you actually try to tame HER or are a victim of her actions, you’re gonna get knocked out. Keep trying to actually tame HER and you’ll see that it’ll soon be game over.
Instead, listen with all your heart to what she’s saying and tame your RESPONSE to it. Wake up, man! You’re blessed to have this wonderful woman in your life.
Who / what are you taming, and how’s it working out for you?Much love,
Suraj Shah
13 Comments
Amil · April 14, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Its a trap that we all fall into boyfriends with girlfriends, girlfriends with boyfriends, wives with husbands, husbands with wives, civil partners, long term partners…
…taming your response and channelling your energies to create the goodness for you both is key, although it is at times very difficult to do!
Who can change you? No one but you… Who can make you happy? no one but you…who can make you sad? No one but you…
Remember its not the people who surround you who change, make you sad or make you happy…
Its You and specifically its your internal dialogue which drives your reactions…I would recommend reading Herman Hesse’s Siddharta for a great insight into this
Best Wishes
Amil
Heena Modi · April 14, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Amil thanks again! Very clear and logical which is often what we need when we get caught up in the emotions of it all 🙂
Suraj Shah · May 9, 2008 at 12:54 pm
My dear Heena, the title wasn’t there just to catch the reader’s eye – it was constructed to get the reader to dig deep within and connect up with the very things that matter to them right here and now. For that article, you can always replace girlfriend with boyfriend, husband, wife, brother, sister, friend, colleague… you name it.
I’ve found more recently that it’s become harder to tame my inner gremlins, and often that’s led to less tolerance for the situations that I get immersed in. Therefore it’s become clear just how important it is for me to spend more time meditating and learning to observe the constantly changing emotions within me, and experiences outside me.
Incidentally, one of the Living Jain quotes next week is about taming! Readers of this blog can sign up at http://daily.livingjain.com
Here’s a sneak preview of the quote:
“If the internal enemy of hatred is not tamed,
When one tries to tame external enemies, they increase.
Therefore, it is a practice of the wise to tame themselves
By means of the forces of love and compassion.”
– Bodhisattva Tokmay Sangpo
Much love,
Suraj
Anon · October 6, 2009 at 10:59 am
Excellent post and I will mention this on my own blog, which is about repairing relationships that have broken.
It is easy to want to control others, but one should try to control one’s own emotions before blaming others for one’s fights and disagreements that may eventually lead to even a breakup.
Anon · December 20, 2009 at 8:17 am
Hey,
You have no idea how wrong you are. Most men dont have the privilage of having a girlfriend who will actually listen to them. The most attractive kind are very self aware [exceptions are there of course], and know very well what they want. They have demands and like things their way. They absolutely hate to have a NO staring at their face. I happen to date someone like this. Well, for the past one year I gave in to her demands and was a little miserable but since i loved her i didnt care how bad I felt. Her well being mattered to me. But recently I found out that the selfless feeling isnt mutual. She wants verything while i just want her. I mean she doesnt have the same selfless feeling towards my happiness too.As soon as that thought hit me, I knew I had been wrong from the very begining. So I turned the tables just a few days ago, and said ” Let the taming begin”. Well so far things are looking good. I got her to change a thought that she used to strongly beleive in.I never liked the thought though. But yes the chemistry is taking a toss for it. But hey I went through an agonizing year and she was a little aware of it. So now its her turn to see how things are from my point. Well i will keep you guys posted how things are. I couldnt care less though. Right now I am very indiffernt towards my relationship, because it aint going my way. When she is fully tamed and I am perfectly in control, I will take an active interest in the realtionship agian. And I shall be my usual selfless, extremely possesive and loving boyfirend that I used to be an year ago..
BTW, Shakespeare’s “Taming Of The Shrew” is an amazing read. I got my insiration form the play itself. Ideal scenerio. Best play ever written.
Place : Kolkata, India.
Heena Modi · June 12, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Dear Anon how’s it going?
Sorry it’s taken me so long to ask but I wanted to ask how your relationship’s going.
With regards to what you wrote above, I think there are men and women who aren’t blessed with a partner who listens. So I guess that means that your partner does listen. That’s great! 🙂
Re being demanding. Knowing what you want and being demanding can be 2 different things. I know many people who know what they want but they’re not demanding at all and I know others who demand, get what they ask for and then decide they don’t want it.
I admire the fact that you have selfless love for your girlfriend but is that the same as giving her what she wants and that she must do the same?
I’m sad that recently, you feel that she wants everything while you just want her. there are many couple who have a conditional love, rather than, the selfless kind.
However, you mention that have now changed and are aiming to ‘tame’ her. I think you’ve misunderstood what Suraj was writing about in his article. Can you have a selfless love for her if you wish to change her, manipulate her & keep scores? You also mention that you’re possessive. Is that selfless?
If you “couldnt care less though” what’s the point of being with her?
If you are “indiffernt towards my relationship, because it aint going my way.” does that mean you are truly selfless?
If you want this for her to be “fully tamed” so that you are “perfectly in control” is she going to be an equal partner or your puppet?
I can’t understand how you’d ‘return’ to being your “usual selfless, extremely possesive and loving boyfirend that I used to be an year ago..”
I don’t think love should ever involve possessiveness. Have things changed for you?
Anon · August 24, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Hello everybody,
First off, I had no idea this post still existed. And to write with such name is very difficult now, but I had to in order to maintain the identity. This email id was almost defunct. 🙂
To begin with, things are very well now. Issues that had troubled me then had been solved. I would like to tell you a very simple way to actually solve problems. Just talk. Nobody ever got anything worthwhile done while breaking the opponents teeth, well unless you are in a boxing ring, i must say. 🙂
I pained me to see her sad due to the restrictions I imposed on her, and then one day, I could bear it no more. I made her sit infront of me and tried very hard at explaining to her the things that bothered me. After I was done, she looked at me and said ” Why didnt you tell me before? “. And since that day things have been much much better. I had to be relaxed about a few things, while she gave into a few of my demands. Over all it was one of the best discussions i have ever had. It increased the understanding in-between us by many folds. It was that simple. Trust me.
I have moved to the US now as i have got a job there, she is also coming to join me there in a few weeks time. We are engaged and we plan to marry soon. My life is so much happier, now. Thanks to the day I decided to talk it over. Couples please talk it over in case you have problems.
@Vavindra : Please talk to her about it. If she loves you, she will listen to you. Its a promise.
@Jay : Please don’t relate to what I was years back. Talk to her and understand her. Let the love truimph.
Heena Modi · August 25, 2011 at 8:10 am
Excellent. I’m so pleased!
Talking openly and honestly is so important in any relationship. Well done for making that happen.
Also compromise is essential so congrats.
I wish you all the best. 🙂
samy · April 9, 2010 at 7:53 am
OK guys i agree with all what you have to say….. but don’t you think that it’s always about the man who should be taming him self , changing his responses, and trying to co-op with what he has been offered……… come on be realistic,, this is exactly what women wants as our friend Suraj said at the beginning of his article,,, that they are trying to control and those stuff… maybe it’s my own problem but i just feel like they are orienting us to feel and see that there is no other way to live happily rather than doing what they want.. the way they want or else it will lead to a breakup………. People Women need to be tamed that is how it works … or doesn’t work..anyway the only looser in this battle is the poor guy who don’t want someone to control or orient him .. cause eventually women will find a man who the can tame and shape
Vavindra · May 1, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Every1 thanx 4 ur wonderful suggestions, bt i guess its way too complex 4 me. My gf is needless to say, d most prized possesion 4 me. Bt she is making me traped as an insect in a spider web. I may sound mean bt everyday i pray to god is to make her logical. Emotions r like d only hormones that runs through her body and iam goin crazy….n whenever i try to solve problems with her, we end up in confrontation…sm1. plz help me n i love her.
Heena Modi · May 9, 2011 at 7:17 pm
Thanks for being so honest.
Is it worth going to Relate? They offer counselling for couples and they’re amazing! 🙂
Suraj Shah · June 13, 2011 at 12:36 am
Thank you all for your comments on this topic.
We often think about taming and controlling our partners, because we are dissatisfied with the way our lives and relationships are going, and perhaps by controlling the one we are with, we somehow have control over life.
The point of the article “How to tame your girlfriend in 3 easy steps” is that there is only one person we can ever truly have control over – ourselves. Better still, it is about taming our inner enemies that pop up when we think we have lost grip on life.
Further than that, how about overcoming control altogether?
I highly recommend the article “The Illusion of Control” by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits: http://zenhabits.net/control/ Leo writes: “We stop trying to control others, and focus instead on being kind to them.”
The way I see it, rather than trying far too hard to control our partners, or even control ourselves, the antidote to control is… kindness.
Suraj
jay · June 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I agree with Anon to some extent. I have a story to tell. Mine is a love marriage and now SOME TIME I am cursing myself for various reasons.
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