What to do when someone passes away in the Navnat community

This post may seem morbid and I’m sorry if it does not seem helpful or causes offence in any way. I know death is not something that many people like to think about. However, when somebody close to you dies, it’s often difficult to think straight or know what to do.

After my father passed away my uncle died soon after. I was around early on and tried to help reduce the load by booking the hall to hold the prayers, book the crematorium etc. Recently, my uncle’s mother passed away very suddenly. Even without the suddenness of death, family and friends often become overwhelmed and cannot think straight. However, when it is sudden, it is often more difficult and shocking.

I’m hoping that this post will support you if the time arises.

What to do/think about: -

1. Think about when you want the Prarthna Sabha to be held: where, timings, availability of venue, informing people. If you want the Prarthna Sabha to be held at the Navnat Centre in Hayes, visit http://www.navnat.com/ for the phone number of the hall secretary. He or she check the availability of the hall and inform you very quickly. Some other choices of venue are Sangam Hall and Kadva Patidar Hall in Kenton. You will also need to decide whether you wish to have musicians, have family members singing or go for something other option.

2. Who you want the funeral director to be. This is the first thing you will need to organise. They will take a load off your shoulders.

3. When you want the funeral to be held. Discuss this with the Funeral Directors.  They have contacts and availability information. If not call the crematorium/cemetery to make enquiries re when it’s available, what the time slots are, parking and so on. If you are in London the number for Golders Green Crematorium is 020 8455 2374. Others are listed on Yell. Click here for more info.

4. Think about whether the body is going to be cremated or not.

5. Once you know when the funeral is going to be, decide when you want to bring the body home. Discuss this with the Funeral Directors as they will be able to advise re things like, distance/traffic/time.

6. How can you inform people? Who are the heads of families whom you can ring and then ask them to inform the rest of their family? You could also send an email to Dhiru Galani – d.galani@btinternet.com, Surendra Mehta – sdm@mehtafamily.co.uk, Mahendra Kothary – mpkothary@googlemail.com or myself and we will let those on our contact list know.

Guidance re what to send when circulating information about a death in the community – Provided by Gajendra Chhatrisha

1. Full Name of the demise followed by husband/wife of……………..and

2. Father/Mother of…………..names of sons and daughters where applicable.

3. Present domicile………London/ Leicester etc. and formerly of Nairobi/Mombasa/Mumbai etc.

4. Contact Address, Telephone Numbers and e-mail i/d.

7. Who will assist with the rituals to be performed at home and recite farewell prayers at the crematorium. You will also need to decide whether you want Jain ritual or Vaishnav ritual. It would be helpful if someone could contact this person and give them enough time to prepare. Discuss the following with the key people. It’s a hot topic but there are variations re what is acceptable when the body is brought to the home before the funeral and also during the Prarthna Sabha.

8. Decide on the whether you want speeches given at the Prarthna Sabha and at the funeral. If so, how many and who by? Try and avoid duplications. Also inform the neighbours that there will be lot of people visiting them during the few days leading to the funeral day and to bear with any inconvenience as there may be many cars. A polite letter to all the neighbours might be helpful.

9. Decide whether you want to buy flowers or donate money to a charity.

10. Would the deceased want females also to attend the funeral? Does the family have an opinion if they do not know what the deceased would have wanted? Traditionally, women did not attend funerals. Changes in lifestyle, which members of the family work etc. etc. etc. has resulted in women being more involved with such occasions. Some people do not accept this and others do. I guess it’s just something else to consider.

11. Decide with the Funeral Directors whether the utthamanu can be performed inside rather than outside. If so prepare things to be taken to the funeral for the utthamanu. The Funeral Directors can advise.

12. Discuss who will stay at home during the funeral to clean the rooms, remove all signs of rituals that were performed, vacuum and freshen up the place. They will also need to keep buckets of warm water outside the house with some napkins for people coming home to wash hands and face before entering the house.

13. Decide when you would like to perform the tithi. It is usually an odd number of days from the day of death e.g. 7, 9 or 11 days, for example. This is to release the relatives from observing bereavement. Sometimes it is done soon after the funeral on the same day, particularly if there are other other imminent auspicious events such is marriage in the family.

14. Decide whether you wish your relatives and close friends to come home in the evenings for bhakti, etc. until the day of tithi.

15. Think about whether you want to keep a box at home for visitors to donate to a particular charity?

16. Food. Do you want caterers for when those who attend the funeral come ‘home’ or do you want someone who stays behind to make the food? Also, you would need to decide whether there is going to open invitation for this meal or invited people only. If it is to be an open invitation, one could make an announcement after the funeral.

17. Do you want the ashes to be saved? If so do you want them disposed of by the Funeral Directors or do you want to scatter them yourself.

I hope this helps.

Please let me know if I’ve left anything out. I now leave you with a list of things that you many need to gather for the Prarthna Sabha, funeral & ceremonies.

Items required for various rituals at time of death – Provided by Surendra Mehta

Prathna sabha

•    Photograph of the one who died
•    Ghee wick (vat)
•    A small tin full of ghee
•    Divo holder
•    Thali for divo
•    Matches or lighter
•    Josticks (Agarbati)
•    Agarbati holder
•    A photo of a deity

Items required for the ritual at home when the coffin arrives

This may vary slightly depending on who is conducting the funeral rites

•    One white piece of poplin cloth (about 2.5m or 3 yds) to cover the body
•    One large white bed sheet on which the coffin stands
•    Nara chadi
•    Abil
•    Galal
•    Small packaet of Sukhad powder
•    Kanku
•    4 coconuts
•    Taal
•    Jav
•    Sukhad garland

Uthamnu items

This may vary slightly depending on who is conducting the funeral rites

•    Photo of Shanker Bhagwan (usually available at Golders’ Green – confirm with funeral director)
•    Ghee wick (vat)
•    A small tin of ghee
•    Divo holder
•    Thali for divo
•    Matches or lighter
•    Josticks (Agarbati)
•    Agarbati holder
•    Large white handkerchief (for jiv daya collection)
•    Small stool

Suggested Menu for chhas-rotla after the funeral

This is suggested menu and will usually vary depending on personal choices. This amount will cater 150 people.

•    Maag
•    Raw banana curry
•    Rice
•    Theplas – 300
•    Rotlas – about 50 cut in qtr pieces
•    Chhas
•    Tea
•    Pickle (green chilis/carrots) – optional
•    Bundi – optional – 12 pounds)
•    Paper plates (200), cups (400), spoons (200), serviettes (500)

Suggested time-table for Prathna-sabha

Up to 8.30pm    Navkar mantra
8.30 – 9.10pm    Selected stavans
9.10 – 9.20pm    Speeches (including life sketch and condolences from community leader + one or two others)
9.20 – 9.25pm    Kavsag
9.25 – 9.28pm    Annoucements which could include such items (suggestions only) as
(a) no flowers (charity)
(b) details of funeral time/place
(c) request that only close family should come home
(d) request that (except for the very close family) ladies should not come to the funeral
9.28 – 9.30pm    Vote of thanks
Family ladies line up on one side and gents on the other side.

Check list for planning the day of funeral

•    Decide who is going to sit in which car
•    Decide who is going to initially lift the coffin at each stage
•    Decide who is going to press the button
•    Decide who is going to go into furnace room
•    Decide who is going to stay at home and keep food ready when everyone returns from the funeral

Suggested time-table on the day of funeral

Timing will need to be changed accordingly

10.00 am Body arrives
10.00 – 10.40am Rituals/last respect
10:50am Those going to Golders’ Green to take their place in allocated cars (…… responsible for the allocation)
10.40 – 10:50am Immediate family members pay the last respect in private
10:55am Coffin Closes – 6 close family members lift the coffin and take it to the funeral car
11:00am Everyone depart for the crematorium
12:00 noon Body arrives at Crematorium (reserve first few rows for the family) – 6 close family members initially lift the coffin (subsequently joined by others) and take the coffin to the crematorium hall where the ceremony is conducted.
12.15 – 12.25pm Prayers and other religious rituals incl Manglik (………)
12:25 – 12:400pm Speeches
Life Sketch (…………………)
Other speeches (………………)
Condolences from community leader (………….)
Vote of thanks/Announcements (……………….)
12.40 – 12.42pm Antim prathna (shradhanjali)
12.44pm ……… press the button (accompanied by someone reciting ‘mangal mandir kholo’) – then the family members (usually six) go into the furnace room
12.55 – 1.20pm Uthamnu (in the grounds of Crematorium or inside, if time permits)
Family ladies line up on one side and gents on the other side.

Close relations come home for chhas rotlo and the ‘tithi’ (for lifting of shock).

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