How did you feel after watching this video?

Yesterday Suraj and I tried calling June in the hope of seeing how she and Biggie are. We’ve not seen her since she’s been re-homed.

At first we backed off to give Bigs a chance to settle. Then we got busy with work etc. After that we went abroad for a wedding followed by some time to ourselves. We returned on August 18th, settled back at home, unpacked, washed clothes and all the rest and all of a sudden it was Friday. We were due to go to another wedding on Saturday so we had to prepare for being away for another night.

We stayed in a hotel after the wedding and I really hoped Suraj and I would be able to go and see Biggie together on the way home. We rang June and left a message but no reply. We rang again later in the afternoon but no luck.

Today, I did some chores, went to work, met my mum, came home, cooked, ate and then remembered that June still hadn’t called. I began to wonder whether she was OK. Of course, the thought then followed that, if she wasn’t OK, who was with Biggie?

I mentioned my thoughts to Suraj and his face changed. He’d been wanting me to sit with him earlier but I wanted to read. Now we’d finished reading. I had sat down, we had our cups of tea but Suraj hadn’t even settled before I mentioned that I realised June hadn’t rung. This is when his face changed.

I knew something was wrong.

Suraj told me that June called while I was out. On Saturday, June took Biggie to the vet and the vet said that her mouth was in a bad way. She would have to be put to sleep. June said they tried to call us without any luck. However, she said it was the kindest thing to do.

I was semi calm.

This was followed by tears.

Then I felt so guilty! I hadn’t seen her. I should have tried harder.

I then started thinking about her soul and the fact that she’d be reborn by now.

I thought about June being alone again and wondered if she was OK.

I said I hoped Biggie didn’t get punished for eating meat because she was a cat and didn’t know that it’d bind negative karma.

I thought about whether I knew, in the back of my mind, that Bigs didn’t have much time left, so I re-homed her as I couldn’t cope with putting another loved one to sleep.

Soon after I felt grateful. I was so glad that she was with June. If she had been alone at home whilst we were away, with only the cat sitter popping in to see if she was OK & then being put to sleep soon after we returned; I would have been so upset! I am so glad she had lots of love and attention, rather than, being on her own. Thus Biggie being re-homed with June was a blessing in disguise

Here are some photos of Biggie that make me smile.

Bigs always found a way to sleep and cuddle up one way or another

Bigs loving sleeping on the tiles coz the underfloor heating was on!

Biggie enjoying sleeping behind my knees

I wrote a series of articles about death and Jain traditions when my grandfather passed away . This post lists all the articles that I wrote. Some of the posts share opinions that explain why, for example, Indians and East Africans began to cremate bodies whilst the other opinion focuses on the Jain perspective.

1. Death and rituals in Jainism.
2. Why do we cremate the deceased?
3. Why should we walk around the coffin?
4. What happens to the cloth that is under the coffin?
5. Why are incense sticks placed in the coffin?
6. Why should funerals only be attended by males?
7. Why do we need to bathe after touching a dead body?
8. How should the body of the deceased be removed from the home?
9. Which way should the body of the deceased face when it is brought home?
10. What to do when someone passes away in the Navnat community

I wasn’t sure if I’d write a post about my father but something lined up for me today and I felt ready to pull my thoughts together and articulate them.

It’s very strange. My father passed away 10 years ago, tomorrow. I can’t believe time has gone so fast.

I’d like to share the journey from when my father was unwell to this point in time. So here goes…

The white parts of dad’s eyes began to appear yellow. I can’t remember what happened initially. I don’t know if he felt pain, when he went to the GP or why etc. etc. Of course my parents may have kept all that from me at the time, which may be why I don’t remember. Anyway I do recall going to the hospital with him. We saw a young consultant who said the results from various tests showed that the symptoms dad was experiencing didn’t fit in with anything in his field/specialism but he didn’t want us to go away, be asked to return in a month or so and then be told the same thing. Thus if we didn’t mind, he’d ask his colleague to come and speak with dad. Perhaps he had some answers.  I think I felt relieved in some way, we’d be moving forward, yet a little worried. Who was this colleague of his? What was his field? Is he being calm but hiding a deep concern?

If I recall  correctly, the consultant came, talked to dad and asked if he could keep dad in to do further tests.

I seem to have blocked out much of the rest. I don’t recall how unwell dad felt in between this and having the operation. I don’t recall much really.

I do remember going to school, where I worked as a Learning Assistant, not being able to think of much apart from, they’ve done so many tests, they can’t find anything; I think dad’s got Cancer. I don’t know why but I was sure about it. The thing is, before this, I’d not had much experience of people who had Cancer, how it develops, how it’s recognised or treated so I don’t why I was so sure that it was Cancer but that’s what I thought.

After that I remember dad was diagnosed with Cancer of the bile duct. We were told that it wasn’t a big thing, it could be removed, they’d do a ‘bit of plumbing’ and everything would be fine. I don’t remember how much time passed between this diagnosis and dad having the operation. What I recall vividly is dad having the operation and us being by his side. Nobody had come to tell us how it went. The nurses said they couldn’t tell us anything and the Dr’s would be around shortly. It felt like forever! Finally, the consultant who did the operation was on the ward and he had more than 5 others with him. I remember that he was the only one in a white coat.

I approached him and said that my dad had been operated on, we’d been waiting a long time but the nurses wont tell us anything. Can you give us some information? He then told me that when they operated, the mass had grown and merged with the portal vessel that takes blood to the liver. They couldn’t cut the mass away from that as it would cause internal bleeding.  They had put a stint in dad’s bile duct to remove the jaundice look he had, they’d done a triple bypass so that when the mass grew it wouldn’t obstruct his stomach. They also removed what they could from the duodenum as it had spread there.

It was only afterwards that I became so upset at the fact that he hadn’t pulled me to one side or had any sort of compassion when breaking this news to me! He told me whilst I was standing, alone, whilst some 5 – 10 junior Dr’s watched and listened! In a rush! No time given to process the information or ask questions. Not on is it?

After that dad had treatment. It’s strange but I don’t recall whether it was radiotherapy or chemotherapy. I could easily find out for the sake of this post but I want to be ‘real’ and write how it is in my mind. I recall dad lost lots of weight and he was vomiting after having his treatment.

I recall going to the specialist department in Hammersmith Hospital to accompany him and visit him. I recall seeing one of the specialists about dad on my own. I assume that dad must have been in the ward at the time. It was in an office. It wasn’t open plan. It was very quiet and private. I asked her how it was going and how well dad was doing. She told me that she felt dad had less than 6 months to live. I listened, took it in, was calm and then my thinking went crazy. I had no idea what to do with that information so I rang my uncle. No answer. I rang another. Finally I got hold of one of my uncles. He said that I shouldn’t tell dad as it wouldn’t help him. We discussed telling mum but it wasn’t a long discussion. We knew that telling mum would result in dad knowing. She wouldn’t be able to keep that from him. How would she hide her emotions etc. Thus we kept it between us.

Beyond this, whilst dad was unable to manage the shop, mum and I went to the shop each morning, leaving at about 5 a.m. We’d open the shop & sort out the newspapers, then I’d go to school, finish working there, go to the shop, stay there until we closed the shop and then go home to eat if I could stomach it. Weekends were spent at the shop too. I remember being so tired that I’d sit on the sofas in the staffroom and fall asleep. It wouldn’t be a deep sleep. A power nap to get me through the day. Now that I think of it, nobody asked me what was going on but they all knew it wasn’t like me and something major had to be going on. Perhaps the few people who knew had explained my situation to the other staff.

Whilst all this was going on, my gran and aunt (Jyotsna) came to stay and support us with cooking, cleaning and just be there. This emotional and physical support was what we needed! My cousin Viren came to stay too. He helped us at the shop and wherever else he could support. At one point my aunt (Neela), uncle (Rajesh) and cousins (Arpan and Puja) came to help. I remember feeling so much gratitude, amazement and love towards them. My cousins were very young at the time. However, they were so grown up and helpful.

We then proceeded to sell the shop. Mum and I couldn’t keep it going much longer. Of course, the buyer knew our situation and he milked it, making sure he paid less than what it was worth.

Dad was coming home and I’d been told that he’d be susceptible to infections and his immune system would be low. Thus I arranged for a professional spring clean and had the flat re-carpetted. We hadn’t really done much with the flat before and carpets are a breeding ground for all sorts of living beings. Mum was at the shop whilst I managed this at home.

Dad came home and he wanted to see mum set up around her friends and community. Thus we looked at moving to Harrow. My uncle (Ramesh) came back and forth a few times to help us sort the house out. It had been rented out for about 18 years and the tenants clearly hadn’t treated it like their own home. The doors had been used as dart boards. It was in a state. Then began the process of putting together some ideas, finding builders, showing them the house and our plan for it, getting quotes, comparing and then managing the work. My uncle and I went to check out the work on a regular basis, mostly in the evenings, after work.

We were still living in Chiswick and de-cluttering and between, competing the sale of the shop, working, looking after dad and more; packing was taking a long time. So we did it slowly and my aunt (Jyotsna) and I did a few trips to take a car load of stuff to our new home.

Somehow we moved. I stayed on in Chiswick for a few weeks as I was working in a school in Southall and also doing a course during some evenings. It was the end of the course so I needed a few weeks to focus on that and finish it.

I joined mum and dad and we had the ceremony to ‘bless the house.’ Dad had lost so much weight and was generally, quite weak. However, on that day, he found the motivation and energy to take part in the ceremony. He even stood for some of it. It was great to see!

After that dad’s health deteriorated. We got one of those special beds put in the living room as dad couldn’t go up and down the stairs. One night I remember mum calling me in a panic saying dad wasn’t eating. I didn’t really understand why she was calling me but I went downstairs. She was in a panic because he wasn’t moving at all. His eyes move. He was staring into space. His breathing had changed. Something was very wrong.

We called 999. They asked us to do a few things and then he seemed to regain consciousness, if that’s the right term. However, they said they were on there way. A man and a lady came. I remember the lady saying we wont hang about, we’ll put the sirens on. I didn’t really get it at the time but I soon realised it meant they were very worried. I remember getting out of the ambulance and calling my aunt (Darshna) and my uncle (Rajni) and telling them what was going on. they would then let others know.

The family came and the one thing that sticks out is my cousin Alpesh telling dad to stay with us as he needed to see him get married. It was so emotional. The Dr. asked to speak to us. He told us that only a small number of healthy people survive being resuscitated and that dad’s body was shutting down. His organs weren’t working so well. He wasn’t good. Mum and I decided not to put him through that pain. When he was ready to go, we’d let him go.

If I recall correctly, after a couple of days we had a private room. My mum and dad’s family were around. They must have talked to make sure that they weren’t all there at the same time. Then one day, soon after some of them went to get some food, we were singing some religious songs to dad and he seemed to like it. I tried to talk to him a little and although the room wasn’t silent; when dad stopped breathing it seemed so loud. This doesn’t make sense because he wasn’t breathing loudly and to stop breathing wouldn’t be loud but I realised so quickly. There was no doubt. Everyone started crying.

I remember leaving the hospital with my uncle (Ramesh) and I remember saying we’d need to move the bed dad was using or ask them to take it away as we’d need room for the guests. My uncle said OK. He knew I was in shock.

After that we had 11 days when we sang and people came to our home to give their condolences. We had the prayers at the Navnat Bhavan on Masons Avenue. I remember utilising all the phones we had between us to let people know about it. There were so many people that they had to stand at the back of the hall. I had no experience of this so I didn’t know what to expect.

Then came the funeral. Dad’s body was cremated at Golders Green. When they carried his body in, my mum’s best mate (Nimu) said I was dad’s son and daughter so I should go and help carry him alongside my uncles and cousins. I did that. Then I remember saying a few words after which I was told to press this button. I had no idea what that button was for. When I pressed it the coffin started moving. All I wanted to do was go and stop it but I didn’t want to make it more emotional than it was already. I watched it go and I was torn about what I should do.

After that I was told that it was OK for to follow the men. I had no idea where they were going. When I got there I felt some relief because dad’s body was there. Nothing had happened. The button made it move to another room. Then it went into the fire and I guess I had some closure. Who knows.

After that I realised that we weren’t really coping before. That began now that our house was empty. No more visitors. It was just me and mum! We did our best to sort out the finances, policies, our home, bank accounts, furniture and other aids which we had got to help dad etc.

Then I went to The University of East London. I talked about doing a PGCE with dad but it didn’t happen before he passed away so I started the course that year, stayed away from family, studied, distracted myself, mourned when I couldn’t ignore it any more & then went home again.

I got married to Ajay within a year of dad passing away. We tried to make it work but decided to call it a day after 5 years. I met Suraj and we have been married for nearly one and a half years now.

Mum has done so well. She’s learned how to do all the things dad took care of. With the help of her brothers she’s managed finances, assets, her home, me, carrying out dad’s wishes and more.

So I get it just leaves us with trying to get on with life, rather than, spend it mourning after those who have gone. In my case, my dad. He wouldn’t have wanted that but it’s so hard some times.

I think I’ve written enough.

Thanks for reading : )

Other posts I’ve written about my relationship with my dad include: -

The reception for my wedding

Beyond what we can see…

This is a quite an odd one for me.

In some ways, those who have died are more important than those who are alive. “Huh” I hear you say. Not ‘anyone’ but for example, those who we look up to in terms of increasing our spiritual awareness. In this case, they are more important (in my view), than us ‘mere mortals’ who need guiding. I do appreciate that this isn’t everyone’s view. For those of you who share this view, I get that we all have different levels of spiritual awareness too.

In another way, those who are alive are important. We may live with them, see them a lot, learn from them, guide them etc. Thus we may need to take their views and needs into account.

In another way you could say we should give importance to those who have died. We should perhaps try to fulfil their wishes as they cannot do so themselves.

I’m not sure where we would draw the line? Would it be when it suited us? Would we try and do as much as possible and end up living for the deceased or as if we were in their presence?

For example, I’ve had a few car accidents and I know that if my dad was alive he probably wouldn’t have wanted me to get in a car again. He may have even tried to chauffeur me around or possibly arrange for cabs to do the same. Who knows? So if I did what suited me I would ignore knowing that he would prefer that.

However, my mum would want me to be independent. To be able to get from A to B. To be able to help others out if need be in terms of getting them where they need to be. To be able to get to work in 10 minutes by car, instead of 1 1/2 hours by London Transport. So when do her wishes supersede what my dad may have wished? And vice versa?

What do I adhere to and why? Because it suits me? Because I believe in that more? Because I get it more?  Why?

My aunt has passed away and she was very anti having a big event for anything. So should her children not have a big wedding for that reason? Does it suit to not do that? Would you ensure you followed it so that she can be remembered during the ‘small event’ e.g. “Aunt Shashi would have loved this”

What about her sister who took over the care of aunt Shashi’s children? She is alive and she wants to see them married off with a huge wedding. Do we ignore the wishes of the living? In this case, what makes the deceased more important? What makes the living more important? Or is it not about that at all? Is it about the people in the relationship? This example, of course, could apply to birthday parties, moving home etc. Do you keep it small or do you celebrate in a big way?

What do you do?

I am fortunate in that my mother hasn’t ever said to me your dad would have wanted this or he would have not wanted this. I know I would have got caught up in the guilt, been confused, possibly been cross about the situation, implications and then who knows what conclusion I would have come to. It’s all very difficult isn’t it? In my eyes it’s not clear or easy.

What do you think?

This is quite a personal post. I debated whether to write it or not but something feels right about it so here I go!

Recently my uncle’s mum passed away. I felt blessed to support them. No offence intended but I didn’t know her very well, so when I was thinking about attending the funeral I was only thinking about my role in supporting my family and not about how if could affect me.

The thing is, I got quite wound up before we got there because, in my mind, we were late! I thought of many reasons why this was an issue but I’m not sure they were accurate.

Anyway we went inside and I sat near my family. Various people gave speeches, we prayed etc. and then it was time to press the button for the coffin to be taken to the back where it is cremated. I saw my uncle’s face and I remember what I felt when my father passed away. I had been very tearful but now it was worse! You see it was all in my subconscious. I hadn’t consciously realised that I hadn’t been to Golders Green Crematorium since my father passed away! I’d attended 2/3 other funerals but they were in Hendon, Leicester or Luton so although I was affected by the experience, it wasn’t AS bad.

You see when my dad passed away I spoke to those who came and then I was told to press this button. I didn’t know what it was for! When the coffin started moving all I wanted to do was run and stop it. I had so many thoughts going through my head. I had to be strong for my mum. It would unsettle the audience if I ran over to my dad’s body. Could I stop it in time? I should just remain calm and go through it.

Anyway it disappeared and my mum and her friend said that I should go to where dad’s body will be cremated. Usually it’s the men who go but because I’m the only child, they said I should go. This was the same re when we brought the coffin in. They said I should go and help bring it in. ‘After all you’re the son and daughter.’

Sorry I’ve gone off track. When I was at my uncle’s mum’s funeral I couldn’t stop crying. After it finished I held it together so that I could leave. However, they’d announced that those who travelled far and the immediate family should come to the house and have some food. When I was outside my mum said I could come and it would be OK. In my head I justified not going because they wouldn’t have catered for so many people and they said that only immediate family and those who travelled far should attend. I was neither. So I left but I was so uptight in the car. I just needed to be somewhere safe where I could let go.

Once I did let go I couldn’t stop. Suraj helped me realise that it was because of the venue! He knew I’d been to other funerals since my dad passed away so he asked if I’d been to Golders Green Crematorium. Of course that was it! I hadn’t been there since 2000! Since dad’s funeral.

Isn’t it amazing how subconscious the mind can be? How important a place can be and how if can affect the way you feel! Do you have any similar stories to share?

Take care
Heena

This post may seem morbid and I’m sorry if it does not seem helpful or causes offence in any way. I know death is not something that many people like to think about. However, when somebody close to you dies, it’s often difficult to think straight or know what to do.

After my father passed away my uncle died soon after. I was around early on and tried to help reduce the load by booking the hall to hold the prayers, book the crematorium etc. Recently, my uncle’s mother passed away very suddenly. Even without the suddenness of death, family and friends often become overwhelmed and cannot think straight. However, when it is sudden, it is often more difficult and shocking.

I’m hoping that this post will support you if the time arises.

What to do/think about: -

1. Think about when you want the Prarthna Sabha to be held: where, timings, availability of venue, informing people. If you want the Prarthna Sabha to be held at the Navnat Centre in Hayes, visit http://www.navnat.com/ for the phone number of the hall secretary. He or she check the availability of the hall and inform you very quickly. Some other choices of venue are Sangam Hall and Kadva Patidar Hall in Kenton. You will also need to decide whether you wish to have musicians, have family members singing or go for something other option.

2. Who you want the funeral director to be. This is the first thing you will need to organise. They will take a load off your shoulders.

3. When you want the funeral to be held. Discuss this with the Funeral Directors.  They have contacts and availability information. If not call the crematorium/cemetery to make enquiries re when it’s available, what the time slots are, parking and so on. If you are in London the number for Golders Green Crematorium is 020 8455 2374. Others are listed on Yell. Click here for more info.

4. Think about whether the body is going to be cremated or not.

5. Once you know when the funeral is going to be, decide when you want to bring the body home. Discuss this with the Funeral Directors as they will be able to advise re things like, distance/traffic/time.

6. How can you inform people? Who are the heads of families whom you can ring and then ask them to inform the rest of their family? You could also send an email to Dhiru Galani – d.galani@btinternet.com, Surendra Mehta – sdm@mehtafamily.co.uk, Mahendra Kothary – mpkothary@googlemail.com or myself and we will let those on our contact list know.

Guidance re what to send when circulating information about a death in the community – Provided by Gajendra Chhatrisha

1. Full Name of the demise followed by husband/wife of……………..and

2. Father/Mother of…………..names of sons and daughters where applicable.

3. Present domicile………London/ Leicester etc. and formerly of Nairobi/Mombasa/Mumbai etc.

4. Contact Address, Telephone Numbers and e-mail i/d.

7. Who will assist with the rituals to be performed at home and recite farewell prayers at the crematorium. You will also need to decide whether you want Jain ritual or Vaishnav ritual. It would be helpful if someone could contact this person and give them enough time to prepare. Discuss the following with the key people. It’s a hot topic but there are variations re what is acceptable when the body is brought to the home before the funeral and also during the Prarthna Sabha.

8. Decide on the whether you want speeches given at the Prarthna Sabha and at the funeral. If so, how many and who by? Try and avoid duplications. Also inform the neighbours that there will be lot of people visiting them during the few days leading to the funeral day and to bear with any inconvenience as there may be many cars. A polite letter to all the neighbours might be helpful.

9. Decide whether you want to buy flowers or donate money to a charity.

10. Would the deceased want females also to attend the funeral? Does the family have an opinion if they do not know what the deceased would have wanted? Traditionally, women did not attend funerals. Changes in lifestyle, which members of the family work etc. etc. etc. has resulted in women being more involved with such occasions. Some people do not accept this and others do. I guess it’s just something else to consider.

11. Decide with the Funeral Directors whether the utthamanu can be performed inside rather than outside. If so prepare things to be taken to the funeral for the utthamanu. The Funeral Directors can advise.

12. Discuss who will stay at home during the funeral to clean the rooms, remove all signs of rituals that were performed, vacuum and freshen up the place. They will also need to keep buckets of warm water outside the house with some napkins for people coming home to wash hands and face before entering the house.

13. Decide when you would like to perform the tithi. It is usually an odd number of days from the day of death e.g. 7, 9 or 11 days, for example. This is to release the relatives from observing bereavement. Sometimes it is done soon after the funeral on the same day, particularly if there are other other imminent auspicious events such is marriage in the family.

14. Decide whether you wish your relatives and close friends to come home in the evenings for bhakti, etc. until the day of tithi.

15. Think about whether you want to keep a box at home for visitors to donate to a particular charity?

16. Food. Do you want caterers for when those who attend the funeral come ‘home’ or do you want someone who stays behind to make the food? Also, you would need to decide whether there is going to open invitation for this meal or invited people only. If it is to be an open invitation, one could make an announcement after the funeral.

17. Do you want the ashes to be saved? If so do you want them disposed of by the Funeral Directors or do you want to scatter them yourself.

I hope this helps.

Please let me know if I’ve left anything out. I now leave you with a list of things that you many need to gather for the Prarthna Sabha, funeral & ceremonies.

Items required for various rituals at time of death – Provided by Surendra Mehta

Prathna sabha

•    Photograph of the one who died
•    Ghee wick (vat)
•    A small tin full of ghee
•    Divo holder
•    Thali for divo
•    Matches or lighter
•    Josticks (Agarbati)
•    Agarbati holder
•    A photo of a deity

Items required for the ritual at home when the coffin arrives

This may vary slightly depending on who is conducting the funeral rites

•    One white piece of poplin cloth (about 2.5m or 3 yds) to cover the body
•    One large white bed sheet on which the coffin stands
•    Nara chadi
•    Abil
•    Galal
•    Small packaet of Sukhad powder
•    Kanku
•    4 coconuts
•    Taal
•    Jav
•    Sukhad garland

Uthamnu items

This may vary slightly depending on who is conducting the funeral rites

•    Photo of Shanker Bhagwan (usually available at Golders’ Green – confirm with funeral director)
•    Ghee wick (vat)
•    A small tin of ghee
•    Divo holder
•    Thali for divo
•    Matches or lighter
•    Josticks (Agarbati)
•    Agarbati holder
•    Large white handkerchief (for jiv daya collection)
•    Small stool

Suggested Menu for chhas-rotla after the funeral

This is suggested menu and will usually vary depending on personal choices. This amount will cater 150 people.

•    Maag
•    Raw banana curry
•    Rice
•    Theplas – 300
•    Rotlas – about 50 cut in qtr pieces
•    Chhas
•    Tea
•    Pickle (green chilis/carrots) – optional
•    Bundi – optional – 12 pounds)
•    Paper plates (200), cups (400), spoons (200), serviettes (500)

Suggested time-table for Prathna-sabha

Up to 8.30pm    Navkar mantra
8.30 – 9.10pm    Selected stavans
9.10 – 9.20pm    Speeches (including life sketch and condolences from community leader + one or two others)
9.20 – 9.25pm    Kavsag
9.25 – 9.28pm    Annoucements which could include such items (suggestions only) as
(a) no flowers (charity)
(b) details of funeral time/place
(c) request that only close family should come home
(d) request that (except for the very close family) ladies should not come to the funeral
9.28 – 9.30pm    Vote of thanks
Family ladies line up on one side and gents on the other side.

Check list for planning the day of funeral

•    Decide who is going to sit in which car
•    Decide who is going to initially lift the coffin at each stage
•    Decide who is going to press the button
•    Decide who is going to go into furnace room
•    Decide who is going to stay at home and keep food ready when everyone returns from the funeral

Suggested time-table on the day of funeral

Timing will need to be changed accordingly

10.00 am Body arrives
10.00 – 10.40am Rituals/last respect
10:50am Those going to Golders’ Green to take their place in allocated cars (…… responsible for the allocation)
10.40 – 10:50am Immediate family members pay the last respect in private
10:55am Coffin Closes – 6 close family members lift the coffin and take it to the funeral car
11:00am Everyone depart for the crematorium
12:00 noon Body arrives at Crematorium (reserve first few rows for the family) – 6 close family members initially lift the coffin (subsequently joined by others) and take the coffin to the crematorium hall where the ceremony is conducted.
12.15 – 12.25pm Prayers and other religious rituals incl Manglik (………)
12:25 – 12:400pm Speeches
Life Sketch (…………………)
Other speeches (………………)
Condolences from community leader (………….)
Vote of thanks/Announcements (……………….)
12.40 – 12.42pm Antim prathna (shradhanjali)
12.44pm ……… press the button (accompanied by someone reciting ‘mangal mandir kholo’) – then the family members (usually six) go into the furnace room
12.55 – 1.20pm Uthamnu (in the grounds of Crematorium or inside, if time permits)
Family ladies line up on one side and gents on the other side.

Close relations come home for chhas rotlo and the ‘tithi’ (for lifting of shock).