This is part 1 of our story. It’s all about the sale of our flat. I’ll start with a bit of history.

What happened before: -

We had sole agency with an agent who we’ll call Golds for the purposes of the post. Within 1 week e had 3 buyers and it turned into a bidding war. We took the advice of Golds and accepted the offer of Mr. N. YAY!

Golds took our flat off the market. We didn’t really know that you shouldn’t do this until a survey has carried out.
2 months later and Mr. N had finally exchanged solicitors details BUT he’d not instructed them. Thus we couldn’t progress!

Golds advised us to go with one of the other two who offered before.
We did. A survey was done and everything was proceeding.
The buyers suddenly had to relocate (work) and needed the money that they would have used to buy our flat to do so. Thus they pulled out!

Mr. N approached Golds again. He said he’d buy the flat through his brother’s business so it’d proceed quicker and his brother’d be authorised to give information, make decisions etc.
No progress again so we went multi agency.

Part 2 will be published on 11th September 2010

Why are ex-council/ex-local flats better?

They are built well as opposed to new private builds, which are rushed and completed after many corners are cut!

They are designed for families to live in comfortably, rather than, cramped in small rooms. The private builds make you feel boxed in!

They are built to last, rather than, new builds which seem to have many faults and issues which show up within a year or so of living in them.

The surroundings have been given thought. The flats aren’t just erected wherever there’s some vacant land or where a business got taken over. There are parks nearby so that families live well. Places to hang your clothes outside. The best way to dry clothes!

The yearly service charge is a FIFTH or less than that of new builds. Most new builds have a tiny sum of £1000 a year.

You only need contents insurance because the building insurance is covered in the service charge.

I lived in an ex-council 1 bedroom flat before living where I do now and it was fab!

The upgrade to an ex-local 3 bedroom flat was NOT a mistake either! I’ve lived here alone and now have the pleasure of living with Suraj.

As you come out of our flat there’s a park for little kids and then another if you keep walking. This one is for older children and behind it, there’s a huge green area where people walk their dogs, go jogging etc. It’s so green.  :)

A few days a go I wrote a post called Re-homing my gorgeous cat. The post ends with… Suraj called her and we’ll be introducing Biggie with her knew companion very soon. This has been a very difficult decision and I’m quite sure it’s not ‘hit home’ yet. Nevertheless, it is the best thing for Bigs and that is what I need to focus on.

This post is about the second part of Biggie’s journey and my own.

So we arranged to take Biggie to her new home yesterday. We wanted the best for her and we wanted her to have some familiarity so we took her 3 levelled seating area which has 3 scratch posts (Biggieville), her food bowls, any food we had for her, the throws which we sits on etc. We spent some time packing it all up and then we put her in her carrier.

She associates being in the carrier with going to the vet as we had visited the vet thrice in the last 6 months. Once because she had problems with her teeth and then twice more when she needed some vaccinations. The thing is, when we sat in the car she wasn’t meowing at all. She was quiet all the way and the journey took about 20 minutes. She knew!

On the way I talked to her and sang spiritual songs to her. She seemed to like that. I was feeling quite sad and tearful so this helped me too.

When we got inside we put her carrier on the sofa and opened it up. I expected her to jump out of it straight away but she didn’t. She had a good look around and then settled in it. She had a look again and then settled again. She actually looked really comfortable in her carrier which I never thought I’d see! We let her be, talked amongst ourselves, stroked her, talked to her & I scratched the sofa to encourage her to come out but nothing. After a good half an hour or more Suraj took her carrier to Biggieville in the hope that she’d feel more comfy on it and come out.

She started to get up and look around again so Suraj moved the carrier so that she could jump out of it and onto Biggieville. That was it! There was no stopping her. She jumped off Biggieville, went to the bottom layer of it, had something to eat and then went exploring all around her new home. It was so good to see.

If the original plan had gone ahead I don’t think I would feel so positive. This plan involved Sue coming to collect her after which she’d take her to her new home. We could request updates about how she is but that would take time and I don’t think I’d feel calm until then. We wouldn’t know where she’d gone, who was looking after her, what they were like. Nothing.

Anyway that plan didn’t go ahead. You see a lot of the society’s work is done by the volunteers and unfortunately they’re inundated at the moment so they wouldn’t be able to come and deliver Bigs to June at a time which suits us as well as them. Also June was itching to meet Bigs. She’d been ringing the Society on a daily basis, asking when Bigs would arrive. Thus Sue and June discussed whether it’d be OK for us to bring her over ourselves and June was more than happy for that to happen.

June is compassionate and understanding. She knew we’d miss her heaps and that we would be more settled if we helped Biggie with the transition and saw where she was going for ourselves.

So that’s that really. I was sad when I came home because we thought about opening the door slowly in case she’s waiting behind it, kind of through habit; of course forgetting that she wasn’t there. This morning I remembered she didn’t need feeding as she wasn’t here but I’m not feeling the sadness which I expected to feel because I know that June will make such a fuss of her and she’ll be spoilt with love and affection.

I spoke to June just now. Biggie’s fine. She was in and out of June’s bedroom during the night, she’s still exploring her new home, she’s eaten, used her litter tray & is now sleeping on Biggieville.

Here are some photos of Bigs in her new home

I rescued Biggie from the The Mayhew Animal Home & Humane Education Centre a few years ago. She is gorgeous and it sounds weird but she’s been a stable friend in difficult times, as well as, being around in better times. I have heard some people say “…but she’s only an animal.” Regardless of her species, she is clever, compassionate intuitive, perceptive, observant, selfless and loving. When she knew things weren’t right she’d come and sit with me. She wouldn’t move. She wouldn’t want anything. She’d just be there. She’s gorgeous.

So you must be wondering about the title…

Recently I’ve been struggling with feeding her meat. More so than I was before. I think this is because I’ve been vegan for just over 2 years now. I have been following this diet because of my compassion towards animals. I dislike them being hurt whether it be through mistreatment or being killed for food or materials, such as, leather or pet food! I have rescued her but I struggle to feed her other animals which have been killed for food. I tried feeding her vegetarian cat food but she didn’t like it. Thus I resorted to feeding her meat again. This has niggled in my mind but there is another factor. A bigger factor. Strangely enough she loves the vegan dry food so I have bought that for her. A double positive – I feel better feeding it to her &she really enjoys the taste.

Lately we have been out and about more than before. On a general basis she’s happier because Suraj works from home and that’s often enough for her to feel content. However, life seems to have got busier and we are around less so she doesn’t get enough company. She deserves someone who can pamper her more, show her affection & love and care for her more than we can.

I contacted the The Mayhew Animal Home & Humane Education Centre but they would need to keep her there and then wait for someone to come along to give her a home. I couldn’t stand the idea of her being in a cage waiting.

I thought about our friend Sheila. In the past, when we have been away, rather than, putting Bigs in a cattery, we’ve employed Sheila to come and cat sit. She’s amazing! She’ll come and feed her, change her water, clear her litter out, spend some time with Biggie, brush her and do extra things like move the mail. So I thought of her and asked Sheila if she knew anyone. She said she’d ask around and she was so helpful. She really did think of many different ways to help us give Biggie a better quality of life.

I also asked a cat lover at school (work) but she has a cat already and one’s enough for her : )

Sheila and I were in touch a lot. Soon after beginning her search to help us, she got in touch with someone at the Cats Protection Society. I got in touch with a member of the society who said Biggie could be fostered with a family that they know very well and then re-homed when matched with a family who would love and want an older cat. There was one condition. Her vaccinations needed to be up to date.

We got her vaccinations done but I delayed contacting her. Funny! I actually lost her number. Anyway, I focussed on being selfless and got in touch with Sheila to get Sue’s number. It’s funny how things work out! The day Sheila emailed Sue’s number to me, Sue called to say they’ve been approached by a lady who’s had cats for much of her life. She’s older now and doesn’t go out much so she’s phoned to request an older cat that’s fond of being indoors! The perfect match. Sue’s been inundated with abandoned kittens and more, so she’s not managed to call me quickly and this lady has been ringing every day for 2 weeks asking when Bigs will be brought to her! : )

Suraj called her and we’ll be introducing Biggie with her knew companion very soon.

This has been a very difficult decision and I’m quite sure it’s not ‘hit home’ yet. Nevertheless, it is the best thing for Bigs and that is what I need to focus on.

Small was Biggie’s mum. I rescued both of them together. Sadly, Small was unwell and had to be put to sleep. Nevertheless, the photos of them are gorgeous!

I wasn’t sure if I’d write a post about my father but something lined up for me today and I felt ready to pull my thoughts together and articulate them.

It’s very strange. My father passed away 10 years ago, tomorrow. I can’t believe time has gone so fast.

I’d like to share the journey from when my father was unwell to this point in time. So here goes…

The white parts of dad’s eyes began to appear yellow. I can’t remember what happened initially. I don’t know if he felt pain, when he went to the GP or why etc. etc. Of course my parents may have kept all that from me at the time, which may be why I don’t remember. Anyway I do recall going to the hospital with him. We saw a young consultant who said the results from various tests showed that the symptoms dad was experiencing didn’t fit in with anything in his field/specialism but he didn’t want us to go away, be asked to return in a month or so and then be told the same thing. Thus if we didn’t mind, he’d ask his colleague to come and speak with dad. Perhaps he had some answers.  I think I felt relieved in some way, we’d be moving forward, yet a little worried. Who was this colleague of his? What was his field? Is he being calm but hiding a deep concern?

If I recall  correctly, the consultant came, talked to dad and asked if he could keep dad in to do further tests.

I seem to have blocked out much of the rest. I don’t recall how unwell dad felt in between this and having the operation. I don’t recall much really.

I do remember going to school, where I worked as a Learning Assistant, not being able to think of much apart from, they’ve done so many tests, they can’t find anything; I think dad’s got Cancer. I don’t know why but I was sure about it. The thing is, before this, I’d not had much experience of people who had Cancer, how it develops, how it’s recognised or treated so I don’t why I was so sure that it was Cancer but that’s what I thought.

After that I remember dad was diagnosed with Cancer of the bile duct. We were told that it wasn’t a big thing, it could be removed, they’d do a ‘bit of plumbing’ and everything would be fine. I don’t remember how much time passed between this diagnosis and dad having the operation. What I recall vividly is dad having the operation and us being by his side. Nobody had come to tell us how it went. The nurses said they couldn’t tell us anything and the Dr’s would be around shortly. It felt like forever! Finally, the consultant who did the operation was on the ward and he had more than 5 others with him. I remember that he was the only one in a white coat.

I approached him and said that my dad had been operated on, we’d been waiting a long time but the nurses wont tell us anything. Can you give us some information? He then told me that when they operated, the mass had grown and merged with the portal vessel that takes blood to the liver. They couldn’t cut the mass away from that as it would cause internal bleeding.  They had put a stint in dad’s bile duct to remove the jaundice look he had, they’d done a triple bypass so that when the mass grew it wouldn’t obstruct his stomach. They also removed what they could from the duodenum as it had spread there.

It was only afterwards that I became so upset at the fact that he hadn’t pulled me to one side or had any sort of compassion when breaking this news to me! He told me whilst I was standing, alone, whilst some 5 – 10 junior Dr’s watched and listened! In a rush! No time given to process the information or ask questions. Not on is it?

After that dad had treatment. It’s strange but I don’t recall whether it was radiotherapy or chemotherapy. I could easily find out for the sake of this post but I want to be ‘real’ and write how it is in my mind. I recall dad lost lots of weight and he was vomiting after having his treatment.

I recall going to the specialist department in Hammersmith Hospital to accompany him and visit him. I recall seeing one of the specialists about dad on my own. I assume that dad must have been in the ward at the time. It was in an office. It wasn’t open plan. It was very quiet and private. I asked her how it was going and how well dad was doing. She told me that she felt dad had less than 6 months to live. I listened, took it in, was calm and then my thinking went crazy. I had no idea what to do with that information so I rang my uncle. No answer. I rang another. Finally I got hold of one of my uncles. He said that I shouldn’t tell dad as it wouldn’t help him. We discussed telling mum but it wasn’t a long discussion. We knew that telling mum would result in dad knowing. She wouldn’t be able to keep that from him. How would she hide her emotions etc. Thus we kept it between us.

Beyond this, whilst dad was unable to manage the shop, mum and I went to the shop each morning, leaving at about 5 a.m. We’d open the shop & sort out the newspapers, then I’d go to school, finish working there, go to the shop, stay there until we closed the shop and then go home to eat if I could stomach it. Weekends were spent at the shop too. I remember being so tired that I’d sit on the sofas in the staffroom and fall asleep. It wouldn’t be a deep sleep. A power nap to get me through the day. Now that I think of it, nobody asked me what was going on but they all knew it wasn’t like me and something major had to be going on. Perhaps the few people who knew had explained my situation to the other staff.

Whilst all this was going on, my gran and aunt (Jyotsna) came to stay and support us with cooking, cleaning and just be there. This emotional and physical support was what we needed! My cousin Viren came to stay too. He helped us at the shop and wherever else he could support. At one point my aunt (Neela), uncle (Rajesh) and cousins (Arpan and Puja) came to help. I remember feeling so much gratitude, amazement and love towards them. My cousins were very young at the time. However, they were so grown up and helpful.

We then proceeded to sell the shop. Mum and I couldn’t keep it going much longer. Of course, the buyer knew our situation and he milked it, making sure he paid less than what it was worth.

Dad was coming home and I’d been told that he’d be susceptible to infections and his immune system would be low. Thus I arranged for a professional spring clean and had the flat re-carpetted. We hadn’t really done much with the flat before and carpets are a breeding ground for all sorts of living beings. Mum was at the shop whilst I managed this at home.

Dad came home and he wanted to see mum set up around her friends and community. Thus we looked at moving to Harrow. My uncle (Ramesh) came back and forth a few times to help us sort the house out. It had been rented out for about 18 years and the tenants clearly hadn’t treated it like their own home. The doors had been used as dart boards. It was in a state. Then began the process of putting together some ideas, finding builders, showing them the house and our plan for it, getting quotes, comparing and then managing the work. My uncle and I went to check out the work on a regular basis, mostly in the evenings, after work.

We were still living in Chiswick and de-cluttering and between, competing the sale of the shop, working, looking after dad and more; packing was taking a long time. So we did it slowly and my aunt (Jyotsna) and I did a few trips to take a car load of stuff to our new home.

Somehow we moved. I stayed on in Chiswick for a few weeks as I was working in a school in Southall and also doing a course during some evenings. It was the end of the course so I needed a few weeks to focus on that and finish it.

I joined mum and dad and we had the ceremony to ‘bless the house.’ Dad had lost so much weight and was generally, quite weak. However, on that day, he found the motivation and energy to take part in the ceremony. He even stood for some of it. It was great to see!

After that dad’s health deteriorated. We got one of those special beds put in the living room as dad couldn’t go up and down the stairs. One night I remember mum calling me in a panic saying dad wasn’t eating. I didn’t really understand why she was calling me but I went downstairs. She was in a panic because he wasn’t moving at all. His eyes move. He was staring into space. His breathing had changed. Something was very wrong.

We called 999. They asked us to do a few things and then he seemed to regain consciousness, if that’s the right term. However, they said they were on there way. A man and a lady came. I remember the lady saying we wont hang about, we’ll put the sirens on. I didn’t really get it at the time but I soon realised it meant they were very worried. I remember getting out of the ambulance and calling my aunt (Darshna) and my uncle (Rajni) and telling them what was going on. they would then let others know.

The family came and the one thing that sticks out is my cousin Alpesh telling dad to stay with us as he needed to see him get married. It was so emotional. The Dr. asked to speak to us. He told us that only a small number of healthy people survive being resuscitated and that dad’s body was shutting down. His organs weren’t working so well. He wasn’t good. Mum and I decided not to put him through that pain. When he was ready to go, we’d let him go.

If I recall correctly, after a couple of days we had a private room. My mum and dad’s family were around. They must have talked to make sure that they weren’t all there at the same time. Then one day, soon after some of them went to get some food, we were singing some religious songs to dad and he seemed to like it. I tried to talk to him a little and although the room wasn’t silent; when dad stopped breathing it seemed so loud. This doesn’t make sense because he wasn’t breathing loudly and to stop breathing wouldn’t be loud but I realised so quickly. There was no doubt. Everyone started crying.

I remember leaving the hospital with my uncle (Ramesh) and I remember saying we’d need to move the bed dad was using or ask them to take it away as we’d need room for the guests. My uncle said OK. He knew I was in shock.

After that we had 11 days when we sang and people came to our home to give their condolences. We had the prayers at the Navnat Bhavan on Masons Avenue. I remember utilising all the phones we had between us to let people know about it. There were so many people that they had to stand at the back of the hall. I had no experience of this so I didn’t know what to expect.

Then came the funeral. Dad’s body was cremated at Golders Green. When they carried his body in, my mum’s best mate (Nimu) said I was dad’s son and daughter so I should go and help carry him alongside my uncles and cousins. I did that. Then I remember saying a few words after which I was told to press this button. I had no idea what that button was for. When I pressed it the coffin started moving. All I wanted to do was go and stop it but I didn’t want to make it more emotional than it was already. I watched it go and I was torn about what I should do.

After that I was told that it was OK for to follow the men. I had no idea where they were going. When I got there I felt some relief because dad’s body was there. Nothing had happened. The button made it move to another room. Then it went into the fire and I guess I had some closure. Who knows.

After that I realised that we weren’t really coping before. That began now that our house was empty. No more visitors. It was just me and mum! We did our best to sort out the finances, policies, our home, bank accounts, furniture and other aids which we had got to help dad etc.

Then I went to The University of East London. I talked about doing a PGCE with dad but it didn’t happen before he passed away so I started the course that year, stayed away from family, studied, distracted myself, mourned when I couldn’t ignore it any more & then went home again.

I got married to Ajay within a year of dad passing away. We tried to make it work but decided to call it a day after 5 years. I met Suraj and we have been married for nearly one and a half years now.

Mum has done so well. She’s learned how to do all the things dad took care of. With the help of her brothers she’s managed finances, assets, her home, me, carrying out dad’s wishes and more.

So I get it just leaves us with trying to get on with life, rather than, spend it mourning after those who have gone. In my case, my dad. He wouldn’t have wanted that but it’s so hard some times.

I think I’ve written enough.

Thanks for reading : )

Other posts I’ve written about my relationship with my dad include: -

The reception for my wedding

Beyond what we can see…

Earlier this month I wrote a post about the BNP & EDL. This post focuses more on how various members of the ‘Indian’ community seem to feel.

So there have been problems between Hindus & Muslims since the British ruled and left India. I think that some people feels it’s history, needs to be forgotten, people need to move on and that people have changed so it past actions should be forgotten etc. However, for those who witnessed their people being raped, killed, tortured, burned & made homeless it must be difficult to forget let alone forgive. I am not being anti Hindu or Muslim here. BOTH communities suffered. BOTH had losses. BOTH were traumatised as a result. I wont go into it now but the Sikh & Jain community also suffered.

Some more background is that many ‘Indians’ & ‘East Africans’ came to the UK after being ‘thrown out’ of their homeland or because they came to fill employment vacancies which the British couldn’t or wouldn’t fill.

I have spoken to some Muslim people who feel that the world is run by the Jewish. They have concluded this because they feel that of members of the Jewish community are in positions of power all over the globe whether they are seen to be or not, they have permanent exhibitions about their experiences even though others who have been suffered have nothing communicated about it to a similar level or in the same way. There are many reasons and for those who believe it; it is a real threat.

In the Gujarati community, many members feel that Muslims are ruling the UK at the very least. They feel that they have mosques popping up everywhere. They feel that they have grants given to them by the Government and that they manage to create faith schools and other things that they want.

Now the thing is, many of these believers are intelligent, educated, professional and wise people yet they think that the fascist parties will drive them out and the country everything will be OK. They don’t seem to understand that they wont stop there! It’ll be us other ‘brown’ people next!

I don’t mean to be harsh but they’re deluded.

During a recession things change and it’s usually not for the better. People get territorial. They suddenly notice things that they didn’t care about before. The public are told about rising unemployment and the issues surrounding it. Some of these issues include: -

1. Benefits – the public are told that there are a record number of benefit claimants. They are not told that the majority of benefit fraud is committed by employees who exploit loopholes and manipulate the system to e.g. claim benefits for employees that don’t exist
2. Unemployment – has it really gone up? Have the statistics been shaped and interpreted in a skewed way? Does the number of unemployed only focus on those of working age or does it include the rising number of pensioners who can’t work anyway? Thus painting a misleading picture.
3. Immigration – is this really a problem? Or is it a Godsend? Are the immigrants doing jobs which British citizens wont do?
4. Lack of money – really? What about the billions that are evaded in tax each year? If they collected that money there’d be enough for schools, pensions and the health service. Right? Then we could avoid these cuts that have been predicted and promised by Labour and the Tories!

There seems to be a new trend of slagging off the Somali community. I have no idea why. The many Somali people I know and see around the borough are civilised, polite, sensible & peaceful. However, some people in the ‘Indian’ community seem to feel that they are layabouts who spit on the street and cause trouble. It’s funny because the last time I looked the Indian community was full of men who eat ‘paan‘ and spit it out! This is often spat out on the street. The thing is, this is acceptable or tolerated in India but I am not OK with anyone spitting regardless of their race. I have also heard that the Somali community are rough. I have not witnessed this but I do know that many of the children that we teach describe what they have witnessed and it is horrid! They have seen torture, killing & more. They have seen this done to strangers, known members of their community and in some cases, members of their immediate family. That’s horrific! Would you not help if you could?

One person said that Britain has enough problems and should focus on their own. If we take the same stance as we are with these unwanted immigrants and asylum seekers, lets send those who wont work to the army and be rid of them. Really? Lets send those who fraudulently claim benefit to do some form of unpaid work to earn it.

Truly, I don’t know what the answer is but I do know that each race of people, those in every faith group, men & women, young & old; they all have members who do things that they shouldn’t. They all have people who behave in an anti social way. Those who don’t want to work. Those who want to have more and will bend the rules and lie to make it happen.

Claiming benefits is not a black and white issue, pardon the pun. There are people I know who are Indian and those who are not. What they have in common is that they claim benefits but they don’t do so legitimately. I know people in the Indian and non Indian community who feel that they have lived here all their lives, they’ve paid their NICs, they’ve been good citizens and now they want their family to join them. They sponsor their family to come here and get them housed by the council. Their arguments for this include, we deserve it, we’ve contributed enough, we deserve to get something back somehow.

If we send all the immigrants and asylum seekers ‘back’ will it fix anything? I don’t think so! There’ll be more problems, more unfilled vacancies, less children in schools which will mean less money for the school etc etc etc

What do you think?

The title’s a bit controversial isn’t it?

I’m going to be as transparent as I can in this post but I want to stress that I have no intention to cause offence or harm. Please keep this is mind as you read on.

OK here goes…

Recently I attended the National Union of Teachers annual conference in Liverpool. One of the fringe meetings was about anti fascism.

In that meeting I learned that, this May 6th 2010, the BNP are likely to get voted into a position of legitimate power in Barking and Dagenham.

I also heard that a 12 year old child who used spray paint to deface a poster of a member of the BNP has been arrested for inciting racial hatred. Yes, what he did was wrong. He should not have done it. BUT inciting racial hatred? What are the BNP doing? This raised questions amongst the crowd, about members of the police being supporters of the fascist movement themselves.

I also heard that the EDL campaigned in Dudley. This was on Saturday 3rd April 2010. They SAID that their campaign was against Muslims alone but that was not true. Word even got out to the local residents, that they were protesting against Muslims wanting another mosque. It was not true. Those who didn’t want to support this so called need for Muslims in Dudley to have a new mosque; didn’t attend to protest against the EDL. Fair enough. They may not be religious, they may be busy, they may not be Muslim. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t sound like a huge reason to protest over. But that wasn’t true!

The same thing happened in Harrow. The EDL was going to protest and the word got out that it was all about another Mosque. It went ahead and it wasn’t pretty. I met Tony McNulty on Saturday 10th April 2010. He was knocking on doors. Pre – election campaigning. I asked him about the EDL in Dudley and Harrow. He said he knew that people were told that it was an anti Islamic campaign and he did his best to spread the word that it was fascism. Pure and simple!

Unfortunately this strategy to divide and rule is working! Anti fascists should be sticking together. ‘Brown’ people should be sticking together but they’re not! They’re deluded. Misinformed. Misled.

There’s a perception, in some communities, that Muslims get what they want. “They get funding for faith schools and places of worship but other faith communities don’t get that!” Thus there’s some jealousy and paranoia about their ‘power’ re getting what they want. Of course the other side of this is that other faith communities are less active and don’t fight as hard for what they want.  If this is the case, surely the achievements of the Muslim activists is something that deserves praise and admiration, rather than, criticism.

So the fascist movement is more in our face, stronger, they’re working their magic on the deluded and creating divisions through the mass spreading of lies.

OK. So what?

Well, the ’so what’ is because once they win the votes of the deluded, they’ll widen their target to include other faith groups, other races, other ‘brown’ people and they wont rest until they drive everyone out.

This sounds ridiculous and fearful and you may well be right but this is their vision.

Whether their vision comes true or not is in our hands as much as theirs!

Other bits and bobs that may make a difference: -

• A member of staff invited a member of the BNP to come and talk to the children in the school they worked in. Why would this ever be OK?
• The head teacher at a Latchford primary school has slammed reports that one of the school’s governors will be running as a BNP parliamentary candidate. How is this OK?

If you held views so strong that you ran for the BNP how would you keep your personal/political and professional life separate? By professional I mean your role as a governor. How would your views not impact the decisions you made about the school re staffing, children, complaints etc?

So it is real.

What are you going to do about it?

Earlier I said “Whether their vision comes true or not is in our hands as much as theirs!”

I know that many people have lost faith in the Government. Lethargy has existed for years which has resulted in many of us not voting. Some don’t vote because they feel they don’t know enough to make an informed decision. Others wont vote because they feel their vote and what they voted for, doesn’t mean anything if & when the group gets into power. It’s all valid but if you agree that you don’t want members of the fascist party in power; then use your vote STRATEGICALLY and stop them getting in!

Have you ever heard the stories about how people who are from the generations before us had to work so hard?

I am aware that my race/ethnicity may make this story a different one from you own. Anyway the story I know is something like this: -

• My gran (Mangala) and her brothers and sisters struggled when they were young because their father, my great grandfather passed away at a very  young age.
• My great grandmother’s eldest son (Vrathis) got married but he died within a few months.
• He and his wife hadn’t had any children as yet and my great grandma (Parvati) didn’t want her then daughter in law to be a widow for the rest of her life. She wanted to her to have companionship.
• I am so proud and amazed of this! She treated her like her own daughter, found a ’suitor’ for her, organised their wedding, paid for it and wished nothing but the best for her.
• My gran got married. My grandfather (Lalji) and my gran’s now eldest brother (Viryash) worked together to ensure there was enough money for the family to survive.
• I cannot begin to imagine or describe the hardships they endured.
• Anyway after a while all the children were married & settled. They had their own kids and so on.
• This brings me to my mum.
• Mum was here, in the UK.
• It was a different world to the one I know.
• My dad was in Tanzania so his family (brothers and sisters in law) went to meet my mum and her family. They liked her so they told dad to go ahead with marrying her.
• If I’m not wrong mum saw a photo of him and got her family’s approval when they asked about his background etc.
• Dad witnessed the madness when there was conflict with Idi Amin and others.
• Dad came to England and settled here with mum.
• They both had steady jobs but wanted to raise their game so they bought a shop.
• Dad travelled between Kenton and Chiswick on a daily basis. This took at least 45 minutes by car each way. He had to get there before 6 a.m. to manage the newspaper delivery, the paper-rounds etc. He’d lock up and leave for home at about 8/9 p.m.
• After 3 weeks dad got beaten up and robbed as he was locking up.
• We packed up and left so that dad wouldn’t have to lock up on his own, travel to and from Kenton and Chiswick, mum helped run the shop with him and so on.
• After that I remember that mum travelled from Chiswick to Harlesden on a daily basis to her place of work. Mum was an office clerk in Heinz. After she returned from work she helped dad in the shop.
• I changed the school I went to and we well and truly settled in Chiswick.
• Mum and dad had a green grocer on one side of their shop and an off license on the other. Between the 2 of them, they took it in turns to stock what we sold. It hurt the business badly so mum and dad were forced to compete with them.

So how does this connect to my opening question about ’stories about how people who are from the generations before us having to work so hard’? Well, how many people do you know who would start work at 6 a.m., run a business, go to the wholesaler to stock up, finish at about 11 p.m., work 7 days a week, work somewhere else part time too etc.?

I don’t know many.

I’m not sure if we’re lazy or just don’t want the same things. Perhaps we earn ‘enough’ money for us to manage without putting all of that effort in?

So what’s my story?

• I completed my education and began working as a learning assistant at a school for children with special needs. After encountering some racism and mind games there, I left.
• I joined another school for children and young adults with Autism.
• I enjoyed this work very much but dad had been diagnosed as having a terminal illness & I felt that I should train to teach, so I left that school as well.
• I decided to start a PGCE after which I worked as a teacher on a full time basis for about 8 years.
• After some reflection I decided to work on a part time basis by teaching 4 days of the week.

Now this is where the fun begins.

Some people asked WHY. Why have you gone part time? What are you doing with your time? Can you afford it?

It’s amazing, the number of people who may not usually speak, find it in themselves to ask quite personal questions. Others were as bold as brass and shared their opinion without being asked to.

So the way I look at it is that I don’t want to work, run myself into the ground, be tired all the time, have little time to do anything else, not be able to socialise much as it’s just impossible on a ’school night’ & before I know it I’ll be 40 and will feel like I missed out!

Thus if I could manage on the wage of a 4 day working week I’d be much happier. If I could survive and be comfortable, I was happy to spend less as long as I had more time to do other things. Thus I am no longer a wage slave or perhaps I am no longer a sheep.

I had the guts to do something different without  doing it for socially acceptable reasons, such as, motherhood.

So what am I willing to do if I’m not willing to work the hours that my grandparents and parents worked? I’m willing to use my time to have quality time with those who are near and dear to me, reflect, attain more peace in my life, make time for hobbies and voluntary work and really appreciate what I have.

This could be seen as a controversial post and I apologise now if the content upsets you. Although I know it is a very personal topic and there are probably things involved that I have not considered, I thought it was worth posting.

I hope you find it useful in some way.

The world is a huge place, it is overpopulated and more of us are making babies. It may sound strange to link materialism to having children but I think there are people out there who are materialistic in a different way. They feel the need to have a child as a possession. Something to tick off the things to do list. There are others who have children and it’s not planned. There are others who had no choice in the matter and of course there are those who look after children in the family because the ‘birth’ family could not manage for whatever reason.

Some couples have difficulty conceiving or seeing the pregnancy through. There can be a number of reasons or causes but often the result is that they cannot have their ‘own’ child. Can you hear the materialism, issue of ownership creeping in here? The popular alternative is IVF. That way it can be ‘their’ child regardless of how it comes about.

I am going to ask an ‘out of the box’ question. Why? Why bother? Why not manage a different way? Why am I saying this?

Well, there are so many things to consider. Some of these are: -

• Money spent on the procedure
• Having to undergo so many internal examinations
• Harm caused to the body of the mother
• Stress and anxiety every step of the way
• Pain endured
• The lack of certainty re whether it will work or not

So why do so many people go for IVF or another method that will mean the child is biologically theirs?

Does it stem from what Margaret Thatcher instilled? The attitude of mine mine and mine! Excuse the politics!

Anyway, why not adopt? There are so many children who are without parents.

I’ll leave you with a radical thought. Why not go one step further? Why not adopt from the onset regardless whether you can or cannot have your ‘own’ child/children?