Silence can be so damaging!

Historically, men had rights to beat their wives and children but women had no rights to beat their husbands. A well known writer argued that these rights were based on the wife and husband being one person in the law, thus requiring the suspension of the wife’s legal EXISTENCE.

Domestic Violence has been an issue for decades but, rightfully so, it’s been at the forefront of so many debates and campaigns during the last 5/10 years.

Domestic Violence refers to a situation where a person in a couple, be they a heterosexual OR homosexual abuses their partner or they abuse each other.

They could be a present or former partner. (Wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, cohabitee.) This can be actual, threatened or attempted sexual, physical, economic or emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse refers to degrading a person, upsetting them and so on.
Psychological abuse refers to playing with someone’s mind. An example of this would be telling your partner that you told them to do something, they agreed to do it BUT they haven’t done it! It is now their fault because you angry and they are causing this violence that’s occurring or occurred.

I am now going to give you some background to Domestic Violence. A study by a police superintendent from South Tyneside Police of 23 men who were arrested for domestic violence found that they all had jobs, one of them had a current criminal record and just one had been repeatedly beaten as a child. Thus they were fairly average men, yes?

1 in 5 of ALL murder victims is a woman killed by a current or former partner. It is the largest category of murder in the Metropolitan Police District.

There’s widespread knowledge that the large majority of Domestic Violence is carried out by men against women. However what about the children? This has been in the public eye in the last few years because of the increasing amount of research arguing that Domestic Violence is a form of child abuse.

Children that often witness the assaults are said to be, as a minimum, emotionally abused by it. Some children are caught in the cross fire. Others children become motherless as a result of the SILENCE in the family.

Children are sometimes USED to hurt, manipulate or scare the abused person. The abuser may threaten to hurt them, report the other parent as unfit in order to deprive them of that adult. He/she may also try or threaten to abduct the children or hurt them in front of the abused adult. All of these can be carried out to stop the abused person leaving, talking, reporting the abuser and so on.

It is a form of control.

In 1995 it was found that in 59% of the sample of child abuse cases, domestic violence was a factor. So do they go hand in hand? No. They will exist separately as well but people do argue that where there is Domestic Violence there is a disproportionately amount of cases involving child abuse too.

So do we need to address Domestic Violence to prevent child abuse?

Alright, well that tells you about Domestic Violence, what it means & how major it is BUT why did I write this article? Well I feel we should all face and address this issue that means something to nearly all of us directly or indirectly. I am talking about the fact that Domestic Violence is a major problem, especially in ‘Indian’ communities. However, nobody talks about it.


I’m not sure about the generation to come but previous generations have stuck together either because the victim’s parents said go back to him, the abused had no where to go, they couldn’t access any help as they didn’t speak English, there was a lack of help for Asians, they weren’t able to leave the home, they thought the Police wouldn’t help or that culture has taught them to make it work no matter what. I can’t be responsible for my family losing face in the community and so on.

Forget for a minute that we want to know why it goes on; why it’s tolerated! Don’t you think it’s time to make a change?

I leave you with a thought that’s funny because it’s so ridiculous.

Legal harmony!
Husbands in Italy may now beat their wives, provided they do not do it too often. The country’s Supreme Court ruled that episodes of domestic violence brought on by a rush of Latin male blood to the head are not criminal even if the wife is forced to visit hospital as a response to her injuries. The incident must be seen to be isolated, and not part of ‘systematic violent conduct’. There must also be no ‘grave intention to humiliate or abuse the victim’.

Well that’s alright then!!!!!

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

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Hannah · June 2, 2008 at 9:48 pm

I hope in time the silence is broken. Sigh….

The quote from Italy? YIKES! Talk about denial!

Heena Modi · June 3, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Yes I hope the silence is broken too.
Regarding the quote – yeah quite shocking isn’t it?
I had a look at your website. It’s good that you have so many videos on there. The content of the video isn’t fabulous of course, but the visual element often helps people really ‘get’ what it all means.


Hannah · June 26, 2008 at 3:30 am

You mentioned the children, and recently placed a video on the blog regarding children!

Thank you for the comments!

Heena Modi · June 26, 2008 at 11:00 am

No probs at all Hannah.

A sad state but I guess we can do something positive by raising awareness about it.

Heena 🙂

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