Why do people cheat or have multiple affairs?

In comparison to other stuff, I’ve not thought about this much. I recall having a conversation with someone about people who feel the need to have an affair. It was a long time ago! Then, we both agreed that there must be a reason that they are looking elsewhere and that both people in the relationship would need to take some responsibility for the unhappiness that was in the air. Whether they act on that urge or not is a different thing altogether.

Since then I remember hearing someone say that regardless of what’s going on they didn’t have to make that choice and be unfaithful. Of course, that is true!

I also recall thinking that looking at a guy or gal and thinking they’re gorgeous is one thing. However, to play a fantasy in my mind or indulge in thinking about them, for me, would constitute an emotional affair and therefore not OK. The fantasy doesn’t need to be sensual. It could be thinking about how life would be with them in terms of stability, banter, intelligent conversation, the pace of life etc.

OK so that gives you some idea of what I think about it. The reason I am writing about it is because of a few things I’ve been told recently by friends and others.

I was on the tube and two friends were having a full blown conversation about it. Here’s what they had to say: –

People cheat because they have issues in their relationship and it leads to having an affair

It’s a big headache. I wanted to be faithful to this one and I managed it but it didn’t work out!

She had so many issues. You just chose the wrong person to be faithful to.

I should just pimp myself and be free.

No I’m disappointed to hear you say that. You’re better than that. You just have to try again. You will find the right person.

That conversation in itself was interesting. I don’t know if he will cheat or have an open relationship until he finds ‘the one’ worth being faithful to but unless both parties are OK with it, it wont end nicely will it? Would you be fine if you found out your partner had lots of women on the sly because he wanted to find out which one was right for him. However, now he’s decided you’re the one so he wont do anything with anyone else from now on!

On another occasion not so long ago we were at a wedding and we were having a laugh with some of the guests. The conversation changed because one of them referred to his girlfriend. One of them then told me that she’s not really a girlfriend because he tells girls what they want to hear, gets what he wants and then goes back for more until he’s bored. His longest relationship’s been 5 months or so and his motto is to ‘tap and leave’! He said all his mates are the same or worse.

I know there are men AND women who think like that but hearing all that wasn’t the best!

A few weeks ago, I got a call from a friend out of the blue. On a few different occasions he’s told me that ‘marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be’. I didn’t read much into it at the time. This time he told me that when people feel low they need to get away and have a dirty weekend! ‘That will fix everything!’ He told me he went away for the weekend to watch some kind of match and ended up drinking a fair bit afterwards. One thing led to another and he ended up sleeping with someone. He feels rejuvenated and has no guilt.

His justification for this was that he loves his kids and doesn’t want to move from one person to another just because he’s bored so he has an affair now and again instead. He said he thinks his wife probably goes out and gets off with people and is fine with that thought.

I’m not sure how to end this post!

Is it so hard to stay faithful?

Is it so difficult to abstain?

Is it impossible to be content?