The title ‘Am I a man? Am I a woman? Should there be any confusion?’ sounds strange doesn’t it or did you catch my drift straight Â away?
From the horses mouth (the mouths of some men)
Men are good at single tasking.
They are skilled at focusing on one task and doing it well.
Multi tasking is not for them.
Why is this an issue?
Well for many reasons women were introduced to work. Men went to war & women stepped up to take on previously, ‘non women’ roles. Equal rights for men and women meant women could expect equality in all its forms including pay. Increases in the standard of living and individual expectations has resulted in families ‘needing’ dual incomes. Mobility in work has had an impact on wages & what time workers leave and return home. I could go on but I wont! This post is about the ‘now’ not how we got here. 🙂
So we’re now in a position where many men and women assume, expect & demand an education that goes beyond 18. What’s the point of having the qualification if you can’t make a career of it, right? So everything else takes a back seat while we educate, build a career, aim for a promotion or two & get a higher, more ‘comfortable’ wage. Whilst all this is going on some people will be saving and possibly investing in property which they may rent out or live in. Thus having an extra income, a pad of their own.Â Independence perhaps.
THEN comes the idea of finding a partner, possibly getting married and/or having kids, buying a home together and so on.
However, the years of changes mean that women have been forced toÂ becomeÂ self sufficient as they are no longer ‘kept’ by their fathers or older brothers. I wont use this space to debate whether that was ever true, if that’s OK. For this post, can we just accept that someone ‘kept’ them until these changes took place? However, NOW their life is their own and they can and do make their own decisions. There’s much more freedom, expectations of women have changed, expectations of mothers and fathers have altered dramatically and the norm is no longer what it used to be!
As a result, ‘the woman’ has enjoyed and earned a life which has been rich with choice & independence; it’s been empowering and so much more.
When these women meet a man who fulfils their needs they will want toÂ compromise without regressing. A partnership means you work at things jointly. You share. Right?
This would mean that, if the dual income is necessary, both partners will be working. Can you then expect the ‘woman’ to come home and cook, clean, maintain the home; any more than you expect the ‘man’ to?
This is where it gets interesting!
I know men who have ‘lived out’ but haven’t really!
They’ve gone to the family home for dinner each night, unless they’re going out!
Clothes to be washed are taken to the family home.
Their flat is not cleaned OR they pay a cleaner to do it.
Food shopping isn’t necessary as they don’t cook.
Are you seeing theÂ picture? They’re not independent at all!
So what’s the actual point of having that property to live in then? Something else, I don’t think we can get into here! 🙂
So let’s get back to the scenario where a couple have moved in together. They both ‘need’ to work. Thus they both need to do the tasks in the home.
The men I know say that they’re no good at doing all that stuff. They can focus on bread winning and only that. If that’s the case; they now need to earn enough so that the ‘couple’ feelÂ comfortable, rather than, restrained or trapped; so that the woman can reduce her hours or stop working. She, if willing, can then cook, clean, raise the kids if they choose to have any, maintain relationships with family and mutual friends,Â organise socials with them, keep track of what’s needed in the home, shop for it and so on.
If this isn’t possible and both of them need to work; surely it’s fair for both people in the relationship to look at the ‘tasks’ that need doing and split them between them. The key here is to make sure that what they take on plays on theirÂ strengths. 🙂
When the situation doesn’t favour either party; becauseÂ we are so sure of what we want; people are quicker than before, to make changes and move on if it doesn’t pan out. Is that fair to say or do you disagree?
The knock on affect of this is that men and women alike are aware of this trend so the flat that they ownÂ becomesÂ a place to go if things don’t work out. The income is needed in case their relationship doesn’t work out. One guy told me it’s all an insurance policy to make sure we don’t get left high and dry.
What do you think?
Are we more cynical and as a result, putting structures in place so that we have ‘an insurance policy’ in case things don’t work out? Are we more greedy? More demanding? Less giving? Less tolerant? More confident? More assertive?