Can you name some relationshipsÂ in which you feel emotion?
Does that sound weird? We feel emotions all the time don’t we? I believe that there are some relationships in which we feel emotions more intensely than others. Then there are those, where we can hide, suppress or nullify pretty much, any sense of emotion.
The thing is…we don’t all feel the same level ofÂ emotion, in the same types of relationship. For example, some people are very emotional about their siblings, others aren’t. Let’sÂ list some relationships.
- parent and child
- student to teacher
- niece or nephew and uncle or aunt
- the owner or employee of our favourite local business
- employee and boss
- patient and doctor
- grandchild and grandparent
- childhood friend
- work colleague
There are so many, aren’t there? This list isn’t exclusive, so there will be many which have been left out of this list.
Why is emotion important?
Try and think of one relationship where you notice what the other person does and you usually have an opinion about it. When they behave ‘well’, (according toÂ your expectations), do you feel a sense of pride? Do you like the type of person they are? Do you want to see or experience more of it? When they do things that you think are beneath them, an action that results in them letting themselves, or others down; do you feel anger, shame or some other form of dislike?
Do you think these emotions remain hidden as long as they’re not expressed verbally?
What do you focus on, or notice, more?
Are you the type of person who notices what you like more than the things you dislike? Or are you more in tune with things that you don’t like to witness?
Depending on the type of person you are, it’s possible that you’ll express what you notice more in some way. Whatever you hold on to, usually finds a way toÂ come through, one way or another. Whether it’s your body language, facial expressions, a sigh, the words you use etc.
Why does what you notice matter?
Your outlook has a lot of power. It has the power to uplift yourself and others, or it has the ability to dampen your mood and have a negative impact on others.
For example, if you nearly always notice, feel negative about, and disapprove of, the things your child does or says, do you think they’ll embed the feeling that you are proud of them, or will they think you’re mostly ashamed of them?Â In the same way, does your partner make you feel as if they are proud of who you are, or as if you are a thorn in their side? I’ve only used two examples, but I think they can be applied to any type of relationship.
The choice is ours and it’s not too late to change our outlook
I know of adults who aren’t sure if their parents were ever proud of them or not, becauseÂ the ‘child’ sensed that they were constantly letting their parent down, or that their parents nearly always saw them as being, not good enough. Some relationships can’t be turned around and this might be because all parties may not be alive any more. However, where there’s determination and motivation, it’s never too late to change the way weÂ perceive situations, the things we focus on, and the memories and feelings that we hold on to.
An opportunity to reflect, evaluate and develop
Are you in a similar position to me?
Do you need to change the way you view certain people?
Like me, do you also need a shift in perspective with certain types of situations?
How will you make that empowering, compassionate, and feel good shift?
What will you put in place to see things differently? When you see somethingÂ you dislike in someone else, can you use it as an opportunity toÂ identify your own shortcomings? Could it be the catalyst for you to encourage yourself to remember something they consistently do, which you admire? In order to remind yourself that people can change for the better, could you think back and recallÂ something (negative) that you used to do, or a way that you used to be, which you’ve now remedied?
If you can think of any other strategies, do get in touch and share them.