This could be seen as a controversial post and I apologise now if the content upsets you. Although I know it is a very personal topic and there are probably things involved that I have not considered, I thought it was worth posting.

I hope you find it useful in some way.

The world is a huge place, it is overpopulated and more of us are making babies. It may sound strange to link materialism to having children but I think there are people out there who are materialistic in a different way. They feel the need to have a child as a possession. Something to tick off the things to do list. There are others who have children and it’s not planned. There are others who had no choice in the matter and of course there are those who look after children in the family because the ‘birth’ family could not manage for whatever reason.

Some couples have difficulty conceiving or seeing the pregnancy through. There can be a number of reasons or causes but often the result is that they cannot have their ‘own’ child. Can you hear the materialism, issue of ownership creeping in here? The popular alternative is IVF. That way it can be ‘their’ child regardless of how it comes about.

I am going to ask an ‘out of the box’ question. Why? Why bother? Why not manage a different way? Why am I saying this?

Well, there are so many things to consider. Some of these are: –

  • Money spent on the procedure
  • Having to undergo so many internal examinations
  • Harm caused to the body of the mother
  • Stress and anxiety every step of the way
  • Pain endured
  • The lack of certainty re whether it will work or not

So why do so many people go for IVF or another method that will mean the child is biologically theirs?

Does it stem from what Margaret Thatcher instilled? The attitude of mine mine and mine! Excuse the politics! 🙂

Anyway, why not adopt? There are so many children who are without parents.

I’ll leave you with a radical thought. Why not go one step further? Why not adopt from the onset regardless whether you can or cannot have your ‘own’ child/children?

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amisha · February 27, 2010 at 11:44 am

Really liked the thoughts in the article as they echo my own. The desire to have children and go through pregnancy, as well as the connection felt with the newborn, e.g. breast feeding almost seemed to be hard wired in most people ( though not all), espoecially women. It is definately a desire I’ve found hard to shake off. But ultimately , no matter how loving the relationship between the couple, and how unselfish the actions of the parents afterwards, the decision to have a child is for your own benefit, because YOU WANT the child. In the current times of climate change, sepcies extingtion, starvation and poverty, exacerbated by overpopulation, ADOPTION appears to be one of the least selfish ways to fulfil the desire to have a child.

    Heena Modi · March 2, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    Thanks for you comments Amisha
    Quite off the wall but echoing my own views
    Nice to know I’m not the only one : )

Preena Shah · March 3, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Hi Heena,
loved the blog. The day we found out i was pregnant with our daughter Lani, the first thing i said to Pareen was that second (and third) child would still be adopted. The way we see it, there are so many children out there in the world in desperate need of parents to love them for whatever reason. I cant change the future of every single child, but i certainly can make differnce to a few. I am looking forwards to watching Lani growing up, not just so that i get to enjoy her but also so that when we are ready to grow our family we can adopt a brother/sister for her and have them be a part of our family…

    Heena Modi · March 4, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    Thanks for sharing
    It’s so nice to hear your thoughts : )

    Out of interest….how did you come across this post?

    Heena Modi · March 8, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Thanks for sharing
    It’s so nice to hear your thoughts : )

    Out of interest….how did you come across this post?

Janet · November 6, 2011 at 7:53 pm

One thing seems to be missing from all this Heena, emotions. They hold neither rhyme nor reason, they come from our inner soul and are nurtured by input from everyone who has ever touched us. Sometimes they are based on religious upbringing, sometimes on personal experience, sometimes they just seem to hit us from behind, but they are there all the same and are not to be dismissed lightly. Just an opinion.

    Heena Modi · November 7, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Of course. You are right.
    It may well be emotions which make people able to, for example, spend thousands on IVF and be able to tolerate the internal examinations etc.
    Thanks for sharing 🙂

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